


A Song of Sweet Melancholy

by orphan_account



Series: It's a sort of extreme bromance... [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, And a little humor, And there's no resolution in this one soo..., Angst, Best Friends, But I'm me so there's still some dumb shit, Cause they're totally just friends, Childhood Trauma, Dean identifies as straight, Dean is a really good friend, Eating junk food to cope, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief, IT'S REALLY ANGSTY, It's totes platonic, Like the angstiest, M/M, Part one of a series that will never be finished, Sharing a Bed, farewell, more on that in later installments, off screen character death, read at your own peril, so much crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 11:02:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14424027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Castiel suffers a personal tragedy and Dean rushes to be at his best friend's side. Emotions run high and lines end up getting crossed.





	A Song of Sweet Melancholy

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS in the end notes, and there's kind of a lot, so if that's something you have to worry about, please go look.  
> Edit: Hiii, so this is awkward but... I kind of realised this series is never going to be finished or have any kind of resolution so if you're one of the like two people who said they wanted that I'm really sorry. I just have a lot of things I'm writing or planning to write, and the continuation of this just kept sliding to the bottom of the list for some reason, and because I'm constantly having new ideas, I finally realised that I'm just never going to get around to it. I'm going to orphan it, not because I don't like it, but simply because I don't want something unfinished up on my dash. Again, really sorry, I've definitely learned my lesson about not posting something until I have a complete story.

Castiel is frozen, trapped in this moment. He’s afraid if he tries to get up his legs will buckle. He can’t call Anna, because he knows what she’ll say. Their mother was… _Very_ flawed, he knows that. But he can’t bear to hear his sister call her those names, not right now. He feels like he’s gonna throw up just at the thought of that.

He can hear his neighbours shower running, and it’s as if it just serves to enhance how alone he feels. That feeling that there’s someone there, but separated from him. He’s all alone.

He starts hyperventilating, and he’s vaguely aware of the fact that his entire body is shaking.

A memory comes to him then. About four years ago, a hospital room. Dean’s face, set in anger, but pure pain radiating from his eyes. How the anger slipped away when Cas just cried pathetically, curling in on himself.

_“I didn’t know what else to do.”_

_“You come to me!” Dean yelled. “You come to me, and I take care of it. Take care of you. You don’t- Fuck Cas, you don’t do this.”_

 

Dean’s out to brunch with Lisa when his phone rings. He looks at the caller id and mumbles _sorry_ before he picks up.

“Hey buddy, what’s up?”

“ _Dean._ ”

Dean’s stomach drops at the sound of his best friend’s voice, breathless and tearful.

“Cas hey, what’s wrong?” He tries to keep his voice calm and steady. Lisa shoots him a questioning look over the table.

“I-” He lets out a broken sob. “My mother she… She’s dead.”

Shit.

“Shit Cas I… I’m so sorry.” He takes a breath, trying to clear his mind. “Hey you just- You just stay calm, don’t do anything stupid, I’ll be right there. Are you at home?”

“Yes but Dean you don- I’m not going to do anything. You don’t have to-”

“Look just stay there, I’m leaving right away. You need me to pick up anything on the way?”

“I don’t… I don’t know.” Cas replies, and his voice sounds so small and lost, it makes Dean’s heart ache.

“Ok, I’ll stop by the grocery store, I’ll be there in twenty. You gonna be okay until then?”

Cas makes this small sound that almost sounds like a tearful laugh. “Yes, I’ll be okay.”

“Okay good. Look buddy, I’m gonna hang up now, if that’s okay. But I’ll be right there, I promise.”

“Okay.” Cas whispers. “Thank you.”

“You don’t gotta thank me Cas, see you soon okay?”

“Okay. Goodbye.”

“Bye.”

He hangs up, puts the phone down and meets Lisa’s eyes. They’re kind and understanding. Dean still feels kind of bad, but he really doesn’t have the luxury of dwelling on that right now.

“His mom died.” He explains, as he’s getting out of his chair.

“Oh God that’s… That’s horrible.” She says, clearly at a loss for words, her voice laden with sympathy.

“Yeah and I’ve really gotta- I’m sorry, but-”

“I understand. I’ll handle the bill you just… Go. Go take care of your friend. Send him my love.”

His heart swells with affection for her in that moment. He leans across the table and kisses her, softly, lingering for just a moment.

“I’ll call you tomorrow!” He yells as he rushes out the door.

 

Castiel barely manages to walk to the door and get it open before he practically falls into Dean’s arms. He’s really lucky it was Dean and not the little old lady from next door, coming to ask if she could borrow some sugar again.

He feels Dean move his arm awkwardly, and then there’s the sound of something hitting the floor. The groceries. Dean runs firm hands up his back, holding him in a warm steady embrace.

“You’re okay.” He says. “I’ve got you.”

Castiel isn’t sure how long they stand there, how long he weeps, both with grief and relief against his best friend’s shoulder. Everything still hurts, but it’s like he’s grounded. Like he was free falling, and now Dean’s here, this one solid thing for him to cling to.

Dean leads him back to the couch to sit down so he can unpack the groceries.

“You hungry?” He asks. “I got a bunch of crap, frozen pizzas, chips, stuff to make sandwiches, ice-cream-”

“I’m good. Maybe later.” Castiel says, and despite how horrible he feels he can’t help but be amused at how Dean’s answer to any given situation is junk food.

“You laughing at me Cas?” Dean asks, going for offended but clearly happy that Cas is doing something other than crying.

“I would never.” Castiel lies.

Dean puts the groceries away, glancing at Cas all the while, and then comes over to join him on the couch. There’s a loaded silence, and then Dean sighs.

“Look you… You don’t gotta talk okay. You can if you want to, I’ll listen, but I just… I just want to be here okay?”

Castiel feels tears well up again and he takes Dean’s hand, squeezing tight. “Can we just… Watch a movie or something?”

Dean leans over and kisses his temple. “Course.”

 

“Dude, this movie is… It’s so cheesy.” Dean says ten minutes in.

“Shut up. My mother died, I get to pick the movie.”

“That’s dark man. Besides, I let you pick, I’m just saying, it’s cheesy.”

Castiel just shakes his head in vehement disagreement. He’s always had some weird attachment to this movie. The first time he mentioned to Dean that it was one of his favorites, back in college, Dean laughed at him and said _“Really? Legends of the Fall?”_ Cas just huffed indignantly and said that you can never go wrong with Brad Pitt on a horse.

Castiel leans his head on Dean’s shoulder and Dean wraps his arm around him. They don’t usually cuddle, or well, not to this degree at least, but Dean’s here to give Cas whatever he needs. And if he needs cuddles well then he’s getting cuddles.

“But why the hell would she marry him, when she’s still in love with Brad Pitt?” Dean asks when they’re about an hour and a half into the movie, forgetting that he’s supposed to be above caring about this cheesy crap.

“Tristan left her, she has no idea when or if he’s coming back, is she supposed to wait for him forever? Besides, I’m not sure he loved her at all, or if she was just the only part he had left of his brother.”

Dean takes a handful of chips and shoves them into his mouth. “That’s messed up man.”

“Yes.” Cas agrees. “But I’ve wondered why _Alfred_ marries _her_ , I find that stranger.”

Dean looks at him, “What do you mean? He’s been in love with her since the first time he saw her, course he married her.”

“She was engaged to his brother, and then she rejected his marriage proposal, and had a serious relationship with his _other_ brother. I don’t think it takes a relationship expert to see that he should probably move on at that point. But instead when Tristan leaves he _marries_ her. He clearly has no self respect.”

“I dunno…” Dean says thoughtfully. “I think it’s kinda romantic.”

Cas turns his attention away from the screen and looks at Dean with wide disbelieving eyes. “You think having such poor self respect that you’re okay with being someone’s third choice is _romantic_?”

“Yeah sort of. It’s like… Like he loved her so much he was past thinking about self respect. That’s kind of romantic.”

Cas settles his head back on Dean’s shoulder. “I guess.” He concedes. “I still think it’s crazy though. It’s clear they’ll just make each other miserable.”

“Well of course it’s clear to you, you’ve seen this movie a hundred times. And now you’ve spoiled it for me too.”

“So? You don’t care, you said this movie’s cheesy.”

Watching a movie, and bickering a little it’s easy to forget that this isn’t just them hanging out under normal circumstances. Dean doesn’t know if that’s good or bad. Sure, maybe it’s helping Cas feel better for this moment, but whatever he’s not feeling now is gonna come back around later.

And whoa does it come back around. It’s actually the last line of the movies that does it. _It was a good death._

 

“She wasn’t a bad person.” Cas says, his voice hoarse from crying.

The tears have stopped for now, his face is red and his eyes are swollen.

“I know.” Dean says, running his fingers through his friend’s hair.

He doesn’t really know that, but he knows that’s what Cas needs to hear. To be fair, he’s not sure he would have called Naomi a bad person either. She wasn’t a good mom to Cas, he knows that much, and _man_ did she mess him up, but that’s the only side of her Dean was ever familiar with.

“She was just…” Cas continues. “She was just one of those women who probably shouldn’t have had children.”

Dean pulls him closer and keeps running his hands through his hair. There are so many things he wants to say. _She never deserved you._ That’s the main one. But he doesn’t say it, it wouldn’t help Cas, he knows that much. Besides, Dean doesn’t believe in speaking ill of the dead.

 

“She was sick.” Castiel recounts, his voice shaking. “I had no idea. We haven’t really…”

Dean nods, and Castiel knows he understands. That he knows Cas well enough to know how it was. Sometimes he had minimal contact with his mother, sometimes he didn’t speak to her at all.

“Michael said she mentioned going to the hospital a few times, but she made it sound like it was nothing. Not a big deal. He didn’t know either. Nobody knew.”

He hates the image in his head. His mother, his staunch and proud mother, pale and fragile; lying on a hospital bed. She died all alone. Cas would have been there, he would have come. Despite everything he would have come. He doesn’t understand why she did it that way. Chose to die surrounded by no one but doctors and nurses.

She didn’t deserve that. No one deserves that. That’s not a good death.

 

“What were you doing when I called?” Cas asks.

Dean takes the frozen pizza out of the carton and tears the plastic off. “I was with Lisa, at brunch.”

Cas smiles at that, or grins is more like it. “She has you going to brunch now?”

Dean is too happy to see Cas smiling to care that he’s being teased. “Bite me.” He says, smiling back. “You want to share this one, or should we make two?” He gestures to the other pizza carton.

“We can share.” Castiel says. “I’m not that hungry anyway.”

“Yeah I know.” Dean says, opening the oven and putting it in. “But you still gotta eat okay? You already feel like crap emotionally, don’t need to feel like crap physically too.”

“So full of wisdom.” Cas says with a half smile.

“Don’t sass me.”

 

“So do you think she’s the one?”

Dean looks back at him, a thoughtful look on his face and a mouth full of pizza. “Could be. I don’t want to put that pressure on things though. Just want to see where it goes.”

“That sounds healthy.” Castiel commends him and doesn’t comment on Dean talking with his mouth full. He’s well used to that by now, and it’s never really bothered him. In fact when they met, in college, he thought it was charming. Because he had a huge crush on Dean back then, and he thought everything he did was charming.

“What about you? You been seeing anyone new?”

“No, and if I had been you’d already know about it.”

“Well, someone’s gonna snatch you up one of these days, don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried.” Castiel says, rolling his eyes. “I don’t need a man to feel good about myself.”

“That’s right.” Dean says. “You’re a strong independent woman.”

“You’re hilarious.” Cas deadpans.

“Hey, you can’t talk to me like that after I cook for you.”

“I don’t think this qualifies as cooking.” Cas says, holding his slice up.

“What do you know about fine dining.” Dean grumbles, eliciting a soft laugh from Cas.

 

Cas starts crying again pretty soon after that, and it goes on for a while. He stays curled up against Dean, even after the tears stop coming. They put on the first season of _Friends_ , just to fill the silence if anything.

“Chandler was pretty cute the first few seasons.” Cas remarks offhandedly, his voice even rougher than usual.

“I guess, if you’re into skinny guys.”

“I’m into all kinds of guys.”

“You slut you.”

Cas swats him in the face without looking up. “Shut up, that’s not what I meant. I just meant I don’t have a physical type.”

“Apart from the dick requirement.”

“You’re so fucking crass, do you know that?”

“Yeah I do know that. So you’re really saying you don’t have a type?”

“Yes.”

“Bullshit, everyone has a type.”

“Fine, I have a type. But it’s got nothing to do with physical attributes.”

“Okay, so what’s your type then?”

“Kind. Loyal. Funny.” He lists them on his fingers. “A little weird, or quirky maybe.”

“You’re describing yourself.”

“Well, I am the perfect man.”

“Sure you are buddy.” Dean says, reaching out to ruffle his hair.

 

They stay on the couch, just watching the show and talking a little. Dean forces Cas to eat another half pizza for dinner, and by then it’s getting dark outside. He stays on the couch for a few hours more, always within the confines of Dean’s arms. He doesn’t really break down again, but silent tears will make their way down his face periodically.

“I’m tired.” He mumbles, at about nine pm. “Think I’m gonna go to bed.”

“Okay.” Dean says, shifting a little on the couch. “But wake me if you need something okay?”

“You’re staying?”

Dean gives him a look. “Cas c’mon, you know there’s no way in hell I’m going anywhere. I’m gonna be here when you wake up, and I’m not leaving til you’re okay.”

Cas’s shoulders slump in relief. He always does that, he won’t say what he needs just in case it’s inconvenient for someone else. He’s always been like that, but Dean didn’t get it at first. He didn’t get that when Cas said he was fine it was just what he’d been programmed to say. Not until he got that call from Cas’s brother four years ago.

“Goodnight.” Cas says, and walks off toward his bedroom.

Dean turns the volume down on Netflix, but keeps it on. He’s not paying attention anymore, because his mind wandered back to that day, and now he can’t get out. They’d been best friends for more than two years, and Dean generally considered Cas his favorite person on the planet, but it wasn’t until that day that he realised he didn’t know him at all. He sat in that hospital room, waiting for Cas to wake up and he realised that he was _it_ . Sure, Cas has siblings he never really seemed to see or talk about, and he had a mom who he’d always get really weird and shift if Dean asked about. But Dean was in that room alone. He was it. Cas didn’t have anyone else. If Dean had known that he would have checked in, he would have paid attention. He’d been seeing this new girl, Cassie, and they were in their honeymoon phase, so he’d been kind of flaky. And the few times he’d spoken to Cas on the phone it was all _I understand Dean,_ and _I’m fine._ So Dean took him at his word. And then…

God fucking _bless_ Meg, Cas’s neighbour with the spare key. Because if she hadn’t used it that day to “borrow” some groceries while she thought Cas was out… Then Dean would have had to live with that. And it would have fucking killed him.

The dark thoughts swirl around his head until he can’t take it anymore. Before he knows it he’s off the couch, steering his feet toward Cas’s bedroom.

He knocks softly.

“Dean? What- Come in.”

Dean opens the door, to find Cas, planted in his bed, tear tracks down his face and looking up at Dean in confusion.

“Hey… Uh… Is it cool if I sleep in here with you?”

Cas looks up at him in silence for a moment, and then nods slowly. “Okay.” He scoots over to the left side if the bed, clearing a space for Dean.

Dean goes to lie down next to him, but Cas gives him a once over, and points to the dresser.

“I have sweatpants you can borrow. Or pajamas if you’d prefer. You probably don’t want to sleep in your jeans.”

Dean borrows a pair of  loose grey sweatpant, and then lies down beside him. It’s kind of weird, they haven’t shared a bed since college.

“Hey Cas?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t fart on me okay?”

Cas lets out a small laugh. “Dean when have I ever even farted _in front_ of you?”

“There was that one time, you know, when we were staying over at Garth’s parents cabin and you’d had all that weird vegan cookie dough.”

“That wasn’t me.”

“Cas it’s been like five years, I think you can admit it.”

Cas turns over on his side to face Dean. “Never.”

 

Dean joins him in bed, and Castiel feels like maybe he can fall asleep now. But then he’s lying there, letting the tiredness creep up on him, and suddenly, out of nowhere it hits him all over again. The whole day he’s been in a daze, and it hasn’t felt quite real. But now he’s here, in his bed, with his best friend, and his mother is dead. She’s dead. Dead. Yesterday he didn’t know she was sick and now she’s gone. Forever. He didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. She took that from him. The last thing she did was take another another thing from him. Another piece. He doesn’t wonder why she didn’t ask him to come before she died. He knows. In that moment he’s _completely_ sure. She didn’t want him there. Just like she’s never wanted him anywhere. Never wanted him. It didn’t even matter to her that she wouldn’t see him one last time.

She had cold eyes, his mother. But every once in a while, there would be this smile, this little moment of warmth, a flicker. That used to be what his entire life was about when he was growing up, chasing that flicker of warmth. And he never stopped wanting it. Not even when he realised that he would always fall short in her eyes. That he’d break his neck trying to earn her love. He stopped trying, but he _never_ stopped wanting. Not for one second. She’s dead now and he still wants. You can cut ties off in your mind, but your heart, your _soul_ never stops needing. Never stops hoping. It hurts. There’s a gaping hole inside his chest, a _black_ hole sucking everything in. He’s not a person, he’s nothing. He doesn’t matter, he’s worthless. That’s what she thought, and she was right. She never said it, but he could tell. It was written so clearly in her eyes. She had cold eyes, his mother.

“Cas?”

He never stopped wanting. Even though he would never be good enough.

“Cas hey, what are you doing?”

He’ll never be good enough.

“Cas _what the hell_ , you’re bleeding!”

 

Dean’s nearly asleep, and he notices Cas sitting up next to him, but his sleep addled brain sort of writes it off. He’s half in a dream, and he’s rocking back and forth. No, the bed is rocking. What the hell?

He starts to come out of it, and he notices the figure next to him on the bed, curled over and rocking back and forth. He’s mumbling something too. It would be fucking creepy, except he knows it’s Cas. Actually, it’s still a little creepy.

“Cas?”

He sits up and puts his hand on his best friend’s shoulder. No reaction. Dean gives him a very gentle shake.

“Cas hey, what are you doing?”

Dean’s eyes start adjusting to the light, and he can see Cas more clearly. He looks… Dean’s not sure he can describe it, he’s never seen him like this before. His skin is pale, his expression haunted, and there’s something… _Dark_ on his forearm.

“Cas what the hell, you’re bleeding!”

Dean practically runs out of bed to hit the light switch. And then back to Cas to determine the extent of the damage. His heart pounds as he takes his friend’s pale thin wrist in his hand and inspects it closer. His first thought is that they’re gonna have to go to the hospital but when he gets a look at it, and breathes a sigh of relief. It looked worse than it is, because it’s bleeding pretty profusely, but it’s not deep. Fucking hell though. There are several crescent shaped gashes in his arm. He did this with his own goddamn fingernails.

Dean puts his hands on either side of Cas’s face, “Cas? Hey, can you hear me? I gotta- I gotta clean this.”

Cas’s eyes are far away. It’s terrifying. This isn’t some kind of psychotic break is it? He’s seen Cas have anxiety attacks before, but this is… Dean doesn’t know what this is.

He kicks himself into gear, telling himself that he’s not helping anything by freaking out. Cas doesn’t have any history of that kind of mental illness, so this is probably just an intense anxiety attack or something. He runs to Cas’s bathroom and luckily finds what he needs to clean and patch Cas up.  he brings it all back to Cas’s bedroom. Cas sort of reacts when he comes back in, so that’s something. And when Dean takes his arm he flinches a little, but lets him clean it. There’s a little speck of blood on the sheet too, but fuck, that’ll just have to wait. Dean patches him up, and as he does he hears Cas breathing sync up with his own. When he’s finished he looks up at him, and sees his blue eyes wide and confused. But he’s there. He doesn’t look all blank faced and zombified anymore. Dean sucks in a deep gulp of air in relief. He puts his hands on both sides of Cas’s face and presses his lips to his forehead.

“Cas, hey, how you feeling?”

He takes one moment to put all the crap he got from the bathroom on the floor next to the bed, before focusing back in on Cas again. Cas still looks a little confused, like he’s not fully clued in as to what just happened, but he meets Dean’s eyes.

“I’m never good enough.” He whispers, and his eyes overflow with tears. “I don’t- I’ll never-”

There’s so much heartbreak in his eyes. Too much for one person to carry.

“You are good enough Cas.” Dean says, wrapping his arms around him tightly. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“I- I want-”

“I know.” Dean says, rubbing his hands in circles on Cas’s back, a little too fast to be soothing. “I know baby. You’re okay, I got you.”

Dean guides him down on the mattress, and they both lie on their sides, their faces so close together they’re practically sharing breaths. Cas keeps sobbing, and Dean keeps moving his hands up and down his sides, murmuring affirmations.

“You’re good enough.” He whispers.

Cas keeps crying, but he places his hand on Dean’s cheek, and moves closer, so their foreheads are touching.

Dean presses his lips to Cas’s so softly and briefly it’s like it barely even happened. “You’re good enough. I’m sorry she couldn’t see that.”

The stay in that position, foreheads touching until Cas quiets. Dean doesn’t know if he’s ever been this exhausted emotionally before. He feels like his soul needs a friggin power nap.

“Do you think she loved me?” Cas asks, and Dean’s heart breaks for what feels like the hundredth time in the past twenty-four hours.

“I don’t know Cas.” He says honestly. “Maybe she did, as much as she was capable of y’know.”

“Maybe.” Cas replies, his voice breaking.

Dean brushes his thumb across Cas’s cheekbone softly. “For what it’s worth though, you’re pretty loveable.”

Cas makes an honestly pretty pathetic attempt to smile at that. He moves closer into Dean’s arms and within ten minutes they’re both asleep.

 

“I’m sorry.” Castiel says, hovering awkwardly behind Dean who’s stood over the stove. “About last night. I don’t- I didn’t mean to put you through that.”

“Don’t apologize.” Dean says, keeping his back to Cas. “Go sit down, this is almost done.”

Cas shuffles off toward the couch, and sits down. He fidgets a little as Dean comes over, propping a plate full of pancakes down in front of him. They both start eating, and Cas still feels bad. About how badly he freaked out last night, and forcing Dean to deal with it. t Take care of him. He never wanted Dean to see him like that.

“Does that happen often?”

Castiel can’t look up as he answers. “What do you mean?”

“The whole uh… Dead eyes, digging your nails into your arm routine.”

“No.” Castiel answers and it’s the truth. “I used to… Used to do that sometimes when I was a child, the… The nail thing I mean, and then… When I got older, it… Escalated.” Escalated as in he realised there were way sharper things besides his fingernails. “But I don’t… I don’t do that anymore. Last night I don’t…” He takes a deep breath and looks up at Dean. “I don’t know what happened.”

Dean looks at him, green eyes full of sympathy and understanding. “Your mom died Cas. That’s what happened.”

Castiel looks down again and feels his eyes swim over with tears.

“I... I’m glad.” He whispers, and the only reason he’s able to admit it is because he knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt that Dean won’t judge him for it. “I’m glad she’s dead. It hurts, it really hurts, but I’m glad too.”

For a moment all he hears is steady breathing, and then there’s a warm hand on his cheek.

“Me too.” Dean says in a rough voice. Cas looks up to see his green eyes shiny with unspilled tears. “I’m glad she can’t hurt you anymore.”

 

Dean stays with him through the entire upcoming week and the next weekend, but come monday morning Cas is basically kicking him out.

“Are you sure?” Dean asks, and yes, _maybe_ it’s like the hundredth time he’s asked that.

They’re out to breakfast before Dean has to get to work, at one of Dean’s favorite diners.

“I’m sure Dean. I know I’m still going to be grieving for a while, but I need to get back to my life. And so do you.”

“Okay. I’m still gonna call and bug you like once an hour though, and you better pick up or I’m coming over. I don’t care if I have to bust your freaking door down.”

“My knight in shining armour.” Cas says, in a tone that says he’s only half joking.

“You’re damn straight kiddo.”

 

“Thank you.” Cas says, when they’re standing on the curb. “I don’t think I could have survived the past week without you.”

Dean wraps his arm around him, and feels Cas press his lips to his cheek. “Anytime buddy.”

They hug for longer than usual, and then Cas shoves him off. “You’re gonna be late.”

Dean presses one last kiss to his temple before opening the door to the Impala and getting in.

“I love you you know.” Cas says as Dean’s about to close the door.

“Love you too you dork.”

He closes the door and drives off. In the rearview mirror he sees Cas linger on the curb, watching him go.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> The triggers are allusions to past suicide attempt, some self harm, and vague allusions to past self harm, child emotional abuse and neglect, self-hate, some sort of anxiety attack, possibly dissociation. And lots of talk about death. Dean does have a girlfriend in this fic, so I guess what happen could sort of qualify as infidelity, it's kind of a grey area I think, but just so you're aware if you find that triggering. Whoof. I think that's all of them.  
> Just one quick thing to note is that Cas is wrong when he thinks that Naomi didn't inform him of her illness because she didn't want him there. That was meant to be an insight into his mindset in that particular moment, and I don't know if I'll delve deeper or come back to that in another story, so I just wanted to say that.  
> Please tell me if you spot any errors, it's really late and even if I'd proofread this properly my brain's probably to fried to pick up on any of them. Thank you for reading, blessed be. I'm really fucking tired. If you have any thoughts please share them with me in the comments, and have a nice day/night/whatever.  
> Edit: I did have a comprehensive plan of how this was going to continue, so maybe you can take some small comfort in the fact that they were going to get together eventually. Oh and also Dean's not staight, but c'mon, we all knew that. Hugs and kisses to you all!


End file.
